The Future Is Bright

Last saturday, I attended a worship service with a good friend of mine. Since it was the last weekend of the year, the theme of the talk was about feeling positve of the new year. The theme of the talk “The Future Is Bright” reaffirms my feeling for the coming year. I know I am currently healing myself of hurts, It is only normal to feel worried. But the worship service reminded me that God is by my side. I need not ask for anything but claim it in my heart that God has already planned everything. We need not worry but instead should fully trust and surrender ourselves to him.  He has everything planned. He will take away our fears and lead us the way to happiness.

My New Years Resolution for Yr.2008 – “EMBRACE SINGLEHOOD AND MOTHERHOOD”

1. Strengthen Spiritual Journey (regulary attend worship service)

2. My Baby Boy

3. Set aside romantic relationship/ enjoy God’s presence, family, and friends

 4. Career Advancement – either in Manila, US, or Australia

5. Yoga Practice – physically fit

6. Yoga Organization

7. Adobe Illustrator- portfolio

8. Out of Town Trips

9. Photography

10. Save Money

Happy New Year!!!

Letting Go

Falling in love is a euphoric feeling. Loving a person is a joyful feeling. Being commited to a person is a selfless act. These are the stages of love that we experience when we share our life with someone. I’ve gone through all these. I loved like I was never hurt before. But what happens when things fall apart. There is a force outside our being that seems to guide us through life. There are signs that we come across with that steer different emotions. Never ignore these signs as it truly is very helpful.  Never judge until we know the truth. The truth reaffirms all the signs and feelings we are encountering and allows us to reasses the situation. Twice I have been saved by this tremendous force. I have been wounded by love’s brutality both by dear friends.  Both my 1st husband, and my ex-boyfriend and dad of my baby boy betrayed me. They both have taken my feelings for granted. Both have admitted that along the way of our relationship they fell out of love and that they love someone else. But before they were able to admit that there was somebody else, they attacked me and tried to push me away. I tried very hard only to find out in the end that the reason was there is another person. The whole thing changes as clearly the reason for not being able to work things out is because there is only one person working it out. In an instant, It is easier to decide. There was no point in staying in the relationship. Letting go of these people and wishing them well was the best thing I did. I felt so sad, and disappointed. I felt pain piercing through me. In my life only goodness were my intentions.  I cried out to God to help give me strength. Prayed so hard to heal me of all the pain I’m going through. Its been 3weeks since I found out the truth. I no longer feel the pain maybe becuase I have surrendered myself and allowed God to take over my life. Amazing but I was able to turn anger to love. Crazy and twisted as it may seem, I was able to help my ex cope with his issues with the girl he thinks he love. Instead of killing him, I was there for him to strengthen him. Not expecting anything in return, I was able to be his friend. Sincerely speaking, I was able to put my emotions aside for a friend. I felt happy being able to help. Though I cant help feel lonely, I pray and I know God is there hugging me and comforting me. I hear God say ” Child, be patient and trust me. I will lead you the way to happiness.”

Magical Beginning

It was the 21st day of November, I was 37 weeks pregnant. Somehow, I knew that this was the big day. My feelings were confirmed by thugs and kicks from my tummy… seems like my baby boy wanted to come out. I did my yoga routine and meditated to prepare my mind and body. I was having mixed emotions… anxious and excited. During the doctor’s appointment, my doctor confirmed that I was 3cm dilated and that my cervix was very thin. She also confirmed that my baby has faced front an indication that its a sign that active labor will begin today. My reaction was so passive since I was having waves of mixed emotions I didnt know how to react. I couldnt even feel any pain. I couldnt grasp what i was actually feeling. I was with my mom an she appeared like she was the one who was about to go on labor. I sat quietly and remained autistic for the remaining period. In the hospital, I was wheeled in the pre-delivery room where I was to fill out certain documents. Doctors and nurses was asking me questions about symptoms of labor etc..and then the bomb/ where is the father? What kind of question is that? And so I replied, hes on his way. Or questions like? who are you with? and as I replied my parents, I so noticed the pause and the confused look. Maybe I was sensitive but I guess I may be overreacting. This is so typical. Whatever! I was going crazy because all the hospital attendees were noticing that I was smiling and somewhat softly giggling. They wheeled me in the Lamaze room, I looked at the time 3pm. I felt ok. Sure there was some pain but at 4cm I was still numb. My doctor came in and examined me. She popped my water bag to speed up the process. Then, it started 5cm.. ok i start to feel pain in my tummy.  As the contractions were getting stronger, the pain was getting to be agonzing. Everything was happening so fast. By 4:30pm I was 7cm dilated. Everyone was surprised as it was anticipated that it will take me hours to deliver. My anesthesiologist was not there. The father of my baby was not there. They were both stuck in traffic. I was in real pain. The spasms were a killer! In about 5:30pm my anesthesiologist arrived and gave me the epidurial. It was scary but when you’re weak. Nothing seems to matter anymore. At 6pm, I was fully dilated. My doctor and all the attendees were scuffling around preparing me for delivery. The father arrived just in time. We werent exactly in good terms but we didnt have time to dwell in our problems. He held my hand and cradled my head and coached me to push. I was a lousy pusher! You have to hold your breath for 10 seconds and push. Everyone in the room was counting. I shut my eyes and on the 3rd push, I succeeded after holding my breath and pushing with all my strength. Then, I heard the doctor say “ok hes here.. its a baby boy”  then I heard him cry. The doctor handed the baby to us /for a first encounter. The father and I were so overwhelmed tears were flowing in our eyes. It was a miracle! The gift of life. The baby was brought to the cradle to be cleaned and wheeled to the nursery. I on the other had was swen up and wheeled to the recovery room. I couldnt believe it. I was still in the high of delivering the baby i wasnt tired at all. I just wanted peace. In my room, my parents greeted me. We were all ectatic! Although I couldnt help the feeling of sadness regarding the father of my baby. He was distant. I just had to put up a brave face. Everything will be ok. My baby boy and I will be ok. I forced myself to walk after 3hrs. I was so excited to see him. It was past 1am when I went to visit the nursery. I was asked to wait in the feeding station/ in a couple of seconds, the nurse brought my baby boy to me. It was unbelievable. I held him in my arms. The feeling was surreal. I felt a bondness with him. He snuggled close to me. I held him and kissed his forehead. Now I know what they were saying… having a baby changes your life. Definitley having a baby completes me! In a spit second, I was full of strength to work harder and be able to give anything for this baby. It will be a life full of love and happiness. This is a beginning of a new chapter of our life.

The Essence of Being Single

All your life, you had specific dreams about what your family life would be like hen you finally marry.

You were so intent on what you wanted, you even made a list of qualities and characteristics you were looking for in spouse, in a home, in your job, in your children.

But time passed and that person you were so intent didnt come along.

All of your friends married, had children, had beautiful homes, and still you were single.

You prayed and prayed and prayed for that person to come along, but nothing happened.

You had a great job.

You served in your church.

You spent daily time with the Lord in prayer.

You dedicated your life to serving God in every way possible, but still nothing happened.

So you decided to take matters into your own hands, and you began an activate search for a partner.

And within a short period of time, you met someone who almost fit the picture..Almost

Sure, there were a few things missing, a few rusty spots in that person’s character.

But after all, noone is perfect. Maybe your goals were too high. Maybe you were asking for the impossible.

Maybe this was the person God wanted for you so your character would grow through dealing with his or her shortcomings.

Even though it often seems that God is slow to answer prayers, no matter whether its about a partner, a job, family member, or our finances, we have to remember that God doesnt wear a watch.

Nor does he look into our human calendars. He sees with eternal eyes. He operates on eternal timetable, according to his plan and his schedule.

If God seems to be running late, dont get impatient and run ahead of him.

Wait for the Lords timing in everything.

To the single folks out there, this is for you:

BEING SINGLE MEANS YOU HAVE TIME TO GROW AND BE THE PERSON YOU  WANT TO BE.

BEING SINGLE GIVES YOU SPACE TO GROW. SOMETIMES ITS HARDER TO GROW WHEN YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO SOMEONE. TREES ARE PLANTED FAR APART SO THEY CAN SPREAD THEIR BRANCHES AND BECOME STRONG AS THEY MATURE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS LEARNING TO LIVE BY YOURSELF. HOWEVER, THAT IS MORE DIFFICULT THAN LEARNING TO LIVE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS FREEDOM. YOU ARE FREE TO SPEND A WEEKS VACATION ON THE BEACH, TO TAKE ON HOBBIES, TO WORK LATE, TO SPEND THE DAY IN BED WITH A GOOD BOOK ETC WITHOUT GETTING THE CONSENT OF ANYONE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS LEARNING NOT TO NEED ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL BUT LEARNNG TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT SOMEONE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS THAT SOMETIMES YOU WILL WONDER WHY YOU WILL BITE YOUR LIP AND FEEL WISTFUL AND WONDER IF MARRIAGE IS BETTER.

IRONICALLY, YET QUITE HAPPILY, BEING SINGLE IS FEELING GOOD ABOUT BEING IN CONTROL WITH YOUR LIFE. IT IS LIKING, RESPECTING, AND LOVING WHO YOU ARE.

BEING SINGLE IS REALIZING THAT BEING MARRIED IS NOT NECESSARY BETTER, IT IS MERELY DIFFERENT.

BEING SINGLE MEANS THERE COULD BE SOMETHING WONDERFUL AROUND THE CORNER.

BEING SINGLE MEANS YOU ARE FREE TO LOVE AGAIN.

YESTERDAY WAS TO LEARN AND TOMORROW WILL BE THE CONSEQUENCE OF WHAT I WILL DO TODAY.