Another Chance

I looked into his eyes. There was emptiness. I waited and hoped to see loving eyes to look back at me instead he appeared cold and distant. Sadness grips me. I will never understand his sudden change of heart. It pains me so much when he looks at me. I couldn’t find any love in his eyes. Gone are the warmth and fond feelings.  Talking to each other is difficult. We became formal. Seems like we don’t know how to be ourselves anymore when we’re with each other. I hate the feeling. I should be angry at him. I should despise him. He let me go when I was 8months pregnant. Though I decided to move out, He left me with no other option but to go. How can I stay if I only make him unhappy. I admit I’m slow. And, like most girls, I’m moody. I irritate him. I don’t measure to his ideal mate. Despite these comments, I would have chosen to still stay but making him unhappy is not what I wanted. He does not want to work things out with me. He only wants to stay because of the baby. I was very disappointed. Again, I felt abandoned. Like my ex-husband, everything started beautifully. In the end, they bail out leaving me to pick up myself. These are the people I loved and cared so much for but who in turn has hurt me the most. These people have talked to me with harsh and cruel words you wouldn’t expect from friends.  I permitted it to happen because I wanted the relationship to work out. But, there really are things beyond our control. Sometimes, all we have to do is accept things. I didn’t have much time to cry as I was giving birth in a months’ time. I had to put up a brave face. I have to be strong. There isn’t anyone whom I can really trust but God and myself. Now with the baby, he wanted to work things out. Yet, he seemed distant. I could not be happy. My instincts tell me he’s just overwhelmed by the babys’ arrival and probably pressured by his family to work things out with me. My worry is in the event that the overwhelming feeling ends, he will see things through and realized that hes not happy with me and again, I will be left with no other option but to leave. I’m so tired of this cycle. I would very much like to walk away and close this chapter of my life. I know that this person has caused me a lot of pain. He would love you and push you away. I love him and I know he loved me too but he has taken my feelings for granted. He has criticized me and compared me with others.  If I were a weak person, my whole being will be crushed. It’s a good thing I have been strong enough not to let his criticism destroy me. I need to break this cycle.             Another chance? I believe it takes two to work things out. My instincts are not wrong. He just feels obligated to work things out. He still has not shown me any affection. It saddens me every time I see him. I will give it time. Although my patience is wearing out, I still want thing to give the benefit of the doubt. For my baby boy’s sake, I will do anything to exhaust all possible means in working out my relationship with the father. But, my perception will never change: Respect for Self and Others. We both deserve to be happy. Staying together for the baby’s sake will not last. But staying together because we love each other will last.