The Future Is Bright

Last saturday, I attended a worship service with a good friend of mine. Since it was the last weekend of the year, the theme of the talk was about feeling positve of the new year. The theme of the talk “The Future Is Bright” reaffirms my feeling for the coming year. I know I am currently healing myself of hurts, It is only normal to feel worried. But the worship service reminded me that God is by my side. I need not ask for anything but claim it in my heart that God has already planned everything. We need not worry but instead should fully trust and surrender ourselves to him.  He has everything planned. He will take away our fears and lead us the way to happiness.

My New Years Resolution for Yr.2008 – “EMBRACE SINGLEHOOD AND MOTHERHOOD”

1. Strengthen Spiritual Journey (regulary attend worship service)

2. My Baby Boy

3. Set aside romantic relationship/ enjoy God’s presence, family, and friends

 4. Career Advancement – either in Manila, US, or Australia

5. Yoga Practice – physically fit

6. Yoga Organization

7. Adobe Illustrator- portfolio

8. Out of Town Trips

9. Photography

10. Save Money

Happy New Year!!!

Letting Go

Falling in love is a euphoric feeling. Loving a person is a joyful feeling. Being commited to a person is a selfless act. These are the stages of love that we experience when we share our life with someone. I’ve gone through all these. I loved like I was never hurt before. But what happens when things fall apart. There is a force outside our being that seems to guide us through life. There are signs that we come across with that steer different emotions. Never ignore these signs as it truly is very helpful.  Never judge until we know the truth. The truth reaffirms all the signs and feelings we are encountering and allows us to reasses the situation. Twice I have been saved by this tremendous force. I have been wounded by love’s brutality both by dear friends.  Both my 1st husband, and my ex-boyfriend and dad of my baby boy betrayed me. They both have taken my feelings for granted. Both have admitted that along the way of our relationship they fell out of love and that they love someone else. But before they were able to admit that there was somebody else, they attacked me and tried to push me away. I tried very hard only to find out in the end that the reason was there is another person. The whole thing changes as clearly the reason for not being able to work things out is because there is only one person working it out. In an instant, It is easier to decide. There was no point in staying in the relationship. Letting go of these people and wishing them well was the best thing I did. I felt so sad, and disappointed. I felt pain piercing through me. In my life only goodness were my intentions.  I cried out to God to help give me strength. Prayed so hard to heal me of all the pain I’m going through. Its been 3weeks since I found out the truth. I no longer feel the pain maybe becuase I have surrendered myself and allowed God to take over my life. Amazing but I was able to turn anger to love. Crazy and twisted as it may seem, I was able to help my ex cope with his issues with the girl he thinks he love. Instead of killing him, I was there for him to strengthen him. Not expecting anything in return, I was able to be his friend. Sincerely speaking, I was able to put my emotions aside for a friend. I felt happy being able to help. Though I cant help feel lonely, I pray and I know God is there hugging me and comforting me. I hear God say ” Child, be patient and trust me. I will lead you the way to happiness.”

Another Chance

I looked into his eyes. There was emptiness. I waited and hoped to see loving eyes to look back at me instead he appeared cold and distant. Sadness grips me. I will never understand his sudden change of heart. It pains me so much when he looks at me. I couldn’t find any love in his eyes. Gone are the warmth and fond feelings.  Talking to each other is difficult. We became formal. Seems like we don’t know how to be ourselves anymore when we’re with each other. I hate the feeling. I should be angry at him. I should despise him. He let me go when I was 8months pregnant. Though I decided to move out, He left me with no other option but to go. How can I stay if I only make him unhappy. I admit I’m slow. And, like most girls, I’m moody. I irritate him. I don’t measure to his ideal mate. Despite these comments, I would have chosen to still stay but making him unhappy is not what I wanted. He does not want to work things out with me. He only wants to stay because of the baby. I was very disappointed. Again, I felt abandoned. Like my ex-husband, everything started beautifully. In the end, they bail out leaving me to pick up myself. These are the people I loved and cared so much for but who in turn has hurt me the most. These people have talked to me with harsh and cruel words you wouldn’t expect from friends.  I permitted it to happen because I wanted the relationship to work out. But, there really are things beyond our control. Sometimes, all we have to do is accept things. I didn’t have much time to cry as I was giving birth in a months’ time. I had to put up a brave face. I have to be strong. There isn’t anyone whom I can really trust but God and myself. Now with the baby, he wanted to work things out. Yet, he seemed distant. I could not be happy. My instincts tell me he’s just overwhelmed by the babys’ arrival and probably pressured by his family to work things out with me. My worry is in the event that the overwhelming feeling ends, he will see things through and realized that hes not happy with me and again, I will be left with no other option but to leave. I’m so tired of this cycle. I would very much like to walk away and close this chapter of my life. I know that this person has caused me a lot of pain. He would love you and push you away. I love him and I know he loved me too but he has taken my feelings for granted. He has criticized me and compared me with others.  If I were a weak person, my whole being will be crushed. It’s a good thing I have been strong enough not to let his criticism destroy me. I need to break this cycle.             Another chance? I believe it takes two to work things out. My instincts are not wrong. He just feels obligated to work things out. He still has not shown me any affection. It saddens me every time I see him. I will give it time. Although my patience is wearing out, I still want thing to give the benefit of the doubt. For my baby boy’s sake, I will do anything to exhaust all possible means in working out my relationship with the father. But, my perception will never change: Respect for Self and Others. We both deserve to be happy. Staying together for the baby’s sake will not last. But staying together because we love each other will last.

In A State of Excitement and Anxiety

I’m 37weeks pregnant and 3cm dilated. My doctor advised me that I anytime within the week, I could go on labor and give birth. Finally, I thought to myself, we’re almost at the finish line. Im excited and worried. Nine months of emotional rollercoaster. The unexpected preganancy, the experience of living-in, being in love,happiness, sadness, frustration, moving-out, loneliness, fear,etc. I’ve been preparing myself emotionally for my baby boy these past months. It seems I feel prepared, but am  I really prepared? A million of thoughts came rushing through my whole being. For one, my relationship with the father is exceptionally different. I will be a single mother. I’m still working on healing myself . So many of my ideals were crushed before my eyes by people I really love and care about, leaving me hurt. I have no time to waste in grieving but I forced myself to focus on things that really matter. I think I did a good job in setting aside my own pains and fears. Although I wont hide the fact that I’m not totally okay yet. Now, my baby boy will soon be with me. I cant say “wait, mommy is not yet ready”  Time does not wait for anyone. Just thinking about him brings joy, excitement, and also fear. I’ll be a mother soon. What will it be like? How does he look? How does it feel to hold him? Will he love me? So many questions… and yet everything will be answered in time.

The Essence of Being Single

All your life, you had specific dreams about what your family life would be like hen you finally marry.

You were so intent on what you wanted, you even made a list of qualities and characteristics you were looking for in spouse, in a home, in your job, in your children.

But time passed and that person you were so intent didnt come along.

All of your friends married, had children, had beautiful homes, and still you were single.

You prayed and prayed and prayed for that person to come along, but nothing happened.

You had a great job.

You served in your church.

You spent daily time with the Lord in prayer.

You dedicated your life to serving God in every way possible, but still nothing happened.

So you decided to take matters into your own hands, and you began an activate search for a partner.

And within a short period of time, you met someone who almost fit the picture..Almost

Sure, there were a few things missing, a few rusty spots in that person’s character.

But after all, noone is perfect. Maybe your goals were too high. Maybe you were asking for the impossible.

Maybe this was the person God wanted for you so your character would grow through dealing with his or her shortcomings.

Even though it often seems that God is slow to answer prayers, no matter whether its about a partner, a job, family member, or our finances, we have to remember that God doesnt wear a watch.

Nor does he look into our human calendars. He sees with eternal eyes. He operates on eternal timetable, according to his plan and his schedule.

If God seems to be running late, dont get impatient and run ahead of him.

Wait for the Lords timing in everything.

To the single folks out there, this is for you:

BEING SINGLE MEANS YOU HAVE TIME TO GROW AND BE THE PERSON YOU  WANT TO BE.

BEING SINGLE GIVES YOU SPACE TO GROW. SOMETIMES ITS HARDER TO GROW WHEN YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO SOMEONE. TREES ARE PLANTED FAR APART SO THEY CAN SPREAD THEIR BRANCHES AND BECOME STRONG AS THEY MATURE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS LEARNING TO LIVE BY YOURSELF. HOWEVER, THAT IS MORE DIFFICULT THAN LEARNING TO LIVE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS FREEDOM. YOU ARE FREE TO SPEND A WEEKS VACATION ON THE BEACH, TO TAKE ON HOBBIES, TO WORK LATE, TO SPEND THE DAY IN BED WITH A GOOD BOOK ETC WITHOUT GETTING THE CONSENT OF ANYONE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS LEARNING NOT TO NEED ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL BUT LEARNNG TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT SOMEONE.

BEING SINGLE MEANS THAT SOMETIMES YOU WILL WONDER WHY YOU WILL BITE YOUR LIP AND FEEL WISTFUL AND WONDER IF MARRIAGE IS BETTER.

IRONICALLY, YET QUITE HAPPILY, BEING SINGLE IS FEELING GOOD ABOUT BEING IN CONTROL WITH YOUR LIFE. IT IS LIKING, RESPECTING, AND LOVING WHO YOU ARE.

BEING SINGLE IS REALIZING THAT BEING MARRIED IS NOT NECESSARY BETTER, IT IS MERELY DIFFERENT.

BEING SINGLE MEANS THERE COULD BE SOMETHING WONDERFUL AROUND THE CORNER.

BEING SINGLE MEANS YOU ARE FREE TO LOVE AGAIN.

YESTERDAY WAS TO LEARN AND TOMORROW WILL BE THE CONSEQUENCE OF WHAT I WILL DO TODAY.

Closing Cycles

By Paolo Coehlo

One always has to know when a stage comes to
an end. If we insist on staying longer than the
necessary time, we lose the happiness and the
meaning of the other stages we have to go
through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending
chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters
is to leave in the past the moments of life that have
finished.

Did you lose your job? Had a loving relationship
come to an end? Did you leave your parents’
house? Gone to live abroad? Had a long-lasting
friendship end all of a sudden? You can spend a
long time wondering why this has happened. You
can tell yourself you won’t take another step until
you find out why certain things that were so
important and so solid in your life have turned into
dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be
awfully stressing for everyone involved: your
parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your
children, your sister, everyone will be finishing
chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with
life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a
standstill. None of us can be in the present and
the past at the same time, not even when we try to
understand the things that happen to us. What has
passed will not return: we cannot forever be
children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or
rancor towards our parents,lovers who day and
night relive an affair with someone who has gone
away and has not the least intention of coming
back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to
let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it
may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of
things away to orphanages, sell or donate the
books you have at home. Everything in this visible
world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of
what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of
certain memories also means making some room
for other memories to take their place. Let things
go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so
sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do
not expect anything in return, do not expect your
efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be
discovered, your love to be understood. Stop
turning on your emotional television to watch the
same program over and over again, the one that
shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:
that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting
love relationships that are broken off, work that is
promised but there is no starting date, decisions
that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to
be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will
never come back. Remember that there was a
time when you could live without that thing or that
person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a
need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be
difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride,incapacity or
arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits
your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean
the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who
you were, and change into who you are…

Angels in Disguise

We are never alone. Despite feeling sad, weary, or stupid, there is a force amidst these emotions that guide us and encourage us that we are not alone. Its been a week since I made a promise to myself that I will stay away from him. Definitely its not easy. I get occasional flashback of memories. I catch myself staring blankly/frozen in time.  It saddens me knowing he had forgotten all the good times we had. I force myself to forget everything for I know that it will do me no good to live in the past. I’m trying to build new dreams for myself and my baby boy. I want to give the best life for my baby boy. I pray for continuous strength and guidance to be able to overcome all troubles that are happening and the challenges ahead. I know there is no glory without pain. Everyday I wake up/  hug myself and assure myself that everything will be alright. I’m scared but thank heavens for the great support group I have. God, my family, and friends have prove to be my saving grace.

Starting All Over Again

The only way to go when you want to alter your life is to do it the old cold turkey way ..like stripping a band aid! You have to muster all the courage and strength and just do it! Its been two week since I moved out from my boyfriends place after so much emotional stress. It wasnt an impulsive move but rather a wise selfless act. The pain is agonizing but I believe its the best decision I made. I am expecting to give birth in a few weeks. Although my ideals have been shattered. I know greater things are yet to come. I know it wont be easy being a single parent but Im sure the challenges will be very fulfilling. Thanks to the great support I have.. my angel friends, loving family, and God’s continuous guidance.

Keep the Faith

What happens when you see part of your world shattering into pieces for the second time? If you’re like me, you’ll probably be staring blankly, unable to speak, and numb down to the feet. Pain will slice through you. And for days, you might be living like a catatonic. Exhausted in doing everything to save a beautiful dream you are left with no other option but to let go. The greatest handicapp is fear. It takes great will to get up and move on especially after you have learned to trust your heart to someone. A lot of things are beyond our control. The only thing constant is change. It is the ability to willingly accept, adapt, and learn from these changes that we remain sane. This I say to everyone, patience is a virtue. Everything happens for a reason that opens bigger opportunities. We must believe that these are blessings in disguise. Everything will be okay.

Rise by Samantha James

You should believe me
And everything I choose to do
You should believe that I’ll
Always come back to you

Life is discovering
The love that we create
Life is a mystery
We need to embrace

In every way
You need to let go
You’ll see all your dreams will follow
In every way
You need to let go

(Chorus)
People rise together
When they believe in tomorrow
Change the day to forever
This life keeps movin’
(Repeat 2x)

Open your mind and see
We have everything we need
Dream or reality
Fulfill its destin….

In every way
You need to let go
You’ll see all your dreams will follow
In every way
You need to let go

(Chorus)
People rise together
When they believe in tomorrow
Change the day to forever
This life keeps movin’
(Repeat 2x)

You need to let go…
You need to let go…

(With instrumentals)
People rise
When they believe
Change the day
This life keeps movin’

(Chorus)
People rise together
When they believe in tomorrow
Change the day to forever
This life keeps movin’